If you know my husband well you know that he is a Goal person. He makes goals, works towards them and reaches them every year. From his career goals, to our marriage and family, his spiritual, physical and everything in between.
I on the other hand am not.......
I never really knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a mom, a wife and that was pretty much the extent of my dreams for my future. I didnt go to College for many reasons, one of which I didnt know what I would want to go to school for so I made the decision at first not to go and then being a single mom pretty young I decided it was not in the cards for me.
Fastforward to present day..... I am a mom and a wife and I love it. I am content and satisfied in that, or so I thought.
My husband and I recently had a conversation about what my hopes, dreams and goals were for myself and our family. I sat there with a blank stare and tears in my eyes because I was embarressed. Not one thing could come to mind. Sure there were things in my far off wild dreams that I would love to do but I dont think I have ever had the confidence instilled in me to believe any of that was actually possible. I have done one thing ever (other than my family) that I have loved and that was ministry.
Since that conversation with my husband and many other after that and as I have begun to dialouge with God and realizing that while I love being a mom and a wife one day my kids will grow up and they will move out and I will be lost.... and then what?
My husband had the confidence instilled in him from a very young age that he could do what he put his mind to. He has tried many things and while he may not always have succeeded the way he wanted to he tried it. I cant say the same for myself.
I read an article written recently by a man who was recently divorced and was giving marriage advice and something he said hit me like a ton of bricks
One piece of advice he gave to husbands was to allow your wife to have time for herself especially after she has kids because she will need to get re-centered and find herself after she gets lost in serving the husband and the kids
It dawned on me I never had a chance to find myself. I became pregnant at 20 and a mom at 21. I didnt know who I was, what I stood for or what I wanted out of life. So I went into parenthood not knowing those things and not really having the time to figure it out. When I did get married and have a husband who does give me time for myself I didnt know what to do. I was lost. He always joked with me that I needed to get a hobby and I would laugh it off saying I had some but it turns out I didnt.
I still dont know what I want to do. I have lots of things that I love to do and I am praying where God may lead me but I know now I have to atleast try. Even if I have to try a 100 things and fail at 99 of them to find where my passions lie and where God is calling me.
I love to write, craft, decorate, speak to women, speak to highschoolers and young adults, I love ministry, and children so who knows what avenues I will be able to put my energy into but I am going to start here. Have something for myself.
I have said it before and I am sure I will fall off the blogging bandwagon again but I am at least going to try and be more consistent and see where this takes me....
So stay tuned and help to hold me accountable.
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